if i always talked abt my friends, bf or wat i've been up to, today im gonna blog abt my mum!
nt many ppl know that i dont get along well with my mum..im nt 'mesra' with my mum, as in i dont joke ard with her..i only talk to her abt the necessary stuff.. nt that we always argue verbally but we do have our disagreements at times..i've learnt not to talk back and be defiant towards her..i admit that im very stubborn at times and i nvr want to give in to her..usually when we're nt happy with each other, we end up not talking for days..its weird living under one roof n not talking to her..n its happening now..
came back fr kl yest n i didnt talk to her the whole day today..seriously, i haf no idea wen or how come this happen..im nt sure if she's feeling wat im feeling..its like neither of us is making the first move to initiate a conversation..n just now, while having dinner with the rest of the family at simpang bedok, i cant help it but to feel so poignant..msged dearie saying "i think my mum loves my bros more than me."
i noticed that my mum offered food to everybody except me at the dinner table..normally, i'd just carry on with my meal as usual cos i dont need her to do that to me n i always tell myself not to be 'sensitive' over such things..but just now, i somehow felt so left-out..there i was sitting in between my two bros..n my mum sinply asked my elder and younger bro to have more servings of the food but not me..i was trying very hard nt to let my tears from flowing but i could already feel my eyes getting warm and watery..
i dont know how long we're carrying on like this cos i certainly hate this feeling..the feeling is worse than when i quarelled with dearie..simply bcos i could'nt even remember when my r/s with my mum became like this..i'd be the happiest person on earth if both of us are 'ok' with each other for at least 1 mth..its hard to even sustain that..dearie suggested that i talk to her abt it but i'm seriously nt comfortable opening up my feelings to her..n i doubt i wanna do that either
i wished to have a better r/s with her..sometimes i wished my mum would initiate things like praising me when i made her proud..saying 'congrats' is all i ask for..when i saw my fren kissing and hugging her mum before she left for kl, i wished my mum would do that to me too
nevertheless, she's still my mum, n as a daughter, i have much respect for her..its jus that i hope we could have a better mother-daughter r/s like most ppl out there..it need not be the best r/s ever, but jus a normal one will do.
on a diff note, i got back my results..my best results of all my exams! n im proud of myself n i know some other ppl who care abt me are proud too..nxt semester will be my last stretch..promised to give it my all and hopefully, i'll feel contented at the end of my undergraduate studies..insya'allah
~flew by @ 12:40 AM
